You Can Go Home, but It Won’t Be Home (Lent, Day 22)

Instead of a trip to the science museum as planned yesterday, I took Gav and the babies on a trip down memory lane.

We went to my hometown, Clinton, and I showed Gavin little snippets of his father’s and my childhood.

We drove past our church, the college, the old high school, my dance studio. We played at my elementary school playground and I laughed to myself as I pointed out the old tennis court where I would promise Papaw Wade I’d play longer than five minutes if he’d take me to hit. We drove to my second favorite playground ever, totally redone, and I was just a little sad to see the caterpillar turned into a sign. I’d wanted to climb it for old times’ sake.

I took him to my childhood home, and I smiled seeing the basketball goal my dad put in 30 years ago still standing. Everything changes, yet everything stays the same. I wished I could knock on the door and have my mama open it to greet us. But she’s not there.

After we dropped off my nephew we visited Papaw and Mimi.

It was as hard for me as I know it was bittersweet for them. Watching my dad and Kim play with the babies was like watching them with their first grandchild all over again. I know he was smiling in Heaven watching my dad rolling around on the floor like old times.

I traveled the same road “home” to Clarksdale that I’d been driving since 15, even though it had been 15 years since I’d gone that route. I have a new home now and the road to my old home isn’t the same.

As usual, the Delta sunset took my breath away, and I was 18 again, heading to Grandma’s to fill my belly before the trip back to Moorhead.

I’d often stop and love on my nephew before leaving. (After Grandpa filled my Camry up at the Double Quick, that is.)

Everything changes, but everything stays the same. I’m old enough now to realize that.

It’s just that “the same” carries a sigh at the end of the memories these days because life is flying by faster than I can stop it. Thankful for a couple of days to enjoy what really matters. Our people are all we’ve got, y’all. We’ve got to live the days well. ❤️

See you soon,

Toni

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